JewTalian "Aluminum Fronts", The Story

In the past, when I have been asked to review albums from such esteemed artists such as U2, Jay-Z, and Mary J Blidge, I have politely declined due to what I like to call "selective perception". I could not understand the messages, could not appreciate what the artist was trying to achieve with this work, and certainly could not connect with them from any kind of soci0logical perspective. It was at that point in my life when I had a crucible; I would endlessly search for the perfect piece of work which could reflect true wisdom. I would not review, and then in turn be inherently critical of any artists work of which I did not completely understand. Moreover, I would need to meet the creator, and be able to hear from the horses mouth what the finished product meant to him. When I met the "JewTalian", I immediately knew that search was over.

This album, for all intents and purposes, began as about as serious of an undertaking as a regular day at his job. But then, something magical happened. After making his single, Aluminum Fronts available on social networking site www.myspace.com, the album began to have a pulse. People were listening to the song at a record breaking rate, users were adding the song to their profiles with reckless abandon, it seemed like only a lack of publicity could put the brakes on such momentum.

Then, on a cool night in September, that publicity JewTalian was searching for suddenly appeared. While guzzling down $1 beers at the local whore of a bar "Turtle Bay" (A miserable enterprise funded mostly by Neo Nazi fascists and people who Embezzle money from the special Olympics), JewTalian was allegedly confronted by two members of a rival gang/rap click "United Nations" and words were exchanged. According to eyewitnesses, T.I.S. (Jewtalians childhood friend) had managed to temporarily calm the ruckus, but as they left, the members of the United Nations posse insulted Jewtalians longtime friend, and spiritual advisor, an act of cowardness which he just could not let go. He jumped out of the window of the bar, and confronted U.N. After about 10 minutes of fingerpointing, name calling, and Tai boxing crescent kicks to the nose, the members of the United Nations entourage were left bloodied and disgraced, lying in a trash heap. After 48 hours in lock up, JewTalian was released to a flurry of television cameras, reporters, and fans.

JewTalian had reached the pinnacle of his career - He had the 9054th most listened to song on Myspace music, national media attention, and a new single "Dat ain't my Kid" ready to drop. Then, almost as suddenly as his fame came, the unthinkable happened. His old friend, and producer Gregory "Doc" Polatto called with horrible news. Pictures began to surface from from the days of JewTalians old band "Matty-S and the upstate silhouettes". It goes with out saying the difference in image is staggering. Matty S and the U.S.S. used to play bar mitzvahs and weddings in the Rochester area in the early 90's. They were highlighted by Matt's (Jewtalian) riveting recorder solos, where people in the audience would literally fall down in tears from his soulful melodies. It turns out JewTalians efforts to keep these facts hidden are vast. He hired public image consultant and private detective Derek Fiorentino to destroy all records of his past, and even moved 400 miles to escape the ridicule (Matty S would frequently encounter clients of his who would throw full heads of lettuce at him, and spit at his feet). These efforts, however, have been in vain. Since the posting of these pictures on the Web, JewTalian has been unavailable for comment, his drinking has increased from 5 to 6 days a week, and the number of Myspace users with his song on their page has dropped from 7 down to 2.

What is next for this paradox of an entertainer? A new persona? An acting career? Calls put in to Jewtalian have gone unreturned, and his current publicist, who asked to remain anonymous, left us with only this comment: "JewTalian, Matty-S, or whoever, He will be back".

And we will be waiting.